The #1 Thing Moms Fantasize About Doing In Bed

It’s late at night. The kids are in bed. The house is blissfully quiet. I slip into something comfortable. I sip a glass of wine. With lights down low and my eyes heavy with desire, I head into the bedroom with one thing in mind. My husband awaits me. We’ve both been anticipating this moment all day. I feel no shame about what I’m about to do. My body gives in to my deepest desires…as I unabashedly smoosh my face into my pillow and sink into an open-mouth drooling slumber.

Not long ago, I came across an article on Babble about things moms do at the end of the day to unwind. One of the more common pastimes? Porn. Are you kidding me?! Who are these moms? Aren’t they exhausted? Who has the time or energy for this? And don’t they know the #1 things moms fantasize about doing in bed?


Just the words sends shivers down my spine. Throughout the day, it’s the #1 thing I fantasize about. (That, and a maid, personal chef and using the restroom in privacy.) My muscles ache. My head is numb. I know I’m not the only one. I’ve been so deprived for so long. I like it. I love it. I want some more of it. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep…

And to indulge you fellow moms who share the same daydreams about night things that I do, here are a few pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Smoosh your face into these…(from

Low lighting is lovely…(from

Yep, that’s about what I look like…(from

Yes, please.

13 Responses to The #1 Thing Moms Fantasize About Doing In Bed

  1. Gracie says:

    Love this! And believe me, Cat, it goes on and on…..I so remember those days when I couldn’t sleep because my babies and little children didn’t sleep. Then the days of not being able to sleep because I was worried about teenagers not being home and wondering what they were doing. And now, unable to sleep cause I am old and my body parts hurt. I guess in the end, I will sleep eternally. LOL

  2. I’ll take low lights and the unabashed sleep/drool of that kitty up there any day. Porn is for single people. . . and possibly 30 minutes on my husband’s birthday. *shrugs*

  3. themommyquad says:

    So hilarious! I totally agree…this is why I can’t completely comprehend mothers of young kids who read those Fifty Shades of Grey books…wouldn’t they rather sleep instead? Obviously, I’m missing something.

  4. jammiekern says:

    I’m pretty sure I went for 2 years with no sleep. I was a zombie and I actually don’t remember much, which makes me sad. I only remember my daughter’s 2nd birthday because we have pictures. The first time I slept for 5 hours straight was in the middle of a day, I was fully clothed and laid face down across the bed. When I woke up I couldn’t get up! My husband had to help me! Even now I fight a sleep addiction, I was so deprived for so long.

    • Cat Poland says:

      Oh, that story is not funny, but I can so picture you doing that! (Because I could probably do the same thing.) And it sounds like you’re just making up for lost time with your sleep now. How much do you get?

      • jammiekern says:

        I get plenty and I’m not gonna even say how much. It’s shameful. But it’s something for you to look forward to! My girls are 6 and 7. So I can say to them, make a pb & j if you get hungry. Play a leapster game or get on the old laptop. Or watch a dvd. Mama’s taking a nap.

      • jammiekern says:

        Oh! and once I even got up with my baby after I let her sleep with me a bit. I rocked her in my arms and carried her to her bed, shushing etc. Then when I got there I saw she was ALREADY IN HER BED. My arms were empty. Totally sleep walking. freaked. me. out.

  5. Little Sis says:

    When people ask me how I survived having twin infants, I tell them I have no idea as I don’t remember a single bit of it. It’s all a fog of comatose robotics. Still don’t get enough sleep, but having gone for a year with about 3 hours a night, I imagine I can get by on 6-7.

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